Story Time… The Tequila Treasure Incident

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I like to drink. Do you like to drink?

Of course you do. Provided you are 21 or older (and you sneaky sneaky teens).

Well for a few years now me and my family like to play drinking games. We love to watch movies together so we like to drink and watch some sort of film. Saying film though is a bit of an overstatement because when we like to drink and watch a movie we like to watch a certain type. Specifically we like to watch good bad movies.

If you do not know what a good bad movie is then I would tell you to read this article right here…

If you took the time to at least read the beginning of that article then now you know what a good bad movie is. The type of movie that is so bad that it is actually entertaining to watch.

My family’s favorite?

Armageddon. The film is so terrible yet so amazing to watch.

Yet I’m not here to talk about any of the time’s my family has sat down to watch Armageddon and drank profusely. No I’m here to talk about a movie with an actor you know so well. So very terribly well. That is because he is in so many movies. So many terrible, awful movies that you can catch anywhere.

His name?

Nicholas Cage.

The movie?

National Treasure.

You see when my family sits down to watch a movie and drink like I said we like to watch movie so bad that it is actually good. National Treasure is one of the best examples of this type of movie. So, how do we go about choosing the good bad movies that we are going to watch. Well it’s very simple we go to sites like The Ringer and look at lists of good bad movies and try and decide which ones we are interested in watching and getting drunk while we watch it.

Always, always though, I make sure to look up drinking game rules and write them down on in a notebook so we have the rules right there for us to look at and make sure to follow them. To be honest most of the rules for watching National Treasure don’t really matter and aren’t interesting to this story. No, there is just one rule. One rule to rule them all and in the darkness bind them. A rule so powerful, so dark and twisted now that I think about the movie we were watching that it is twisted somebody decided that should be something to watch out for and drink to during the film.

What is the rule?

It is a simple one.

All you have to do is drink every time someone in the movie says treasure.

That ladies and gentlemen is a terrible rule. I would tell you how many times they say it but I don’t count so well anymore after all the brain cells I lost watching National Treasure and drinking every time the word treasure is said.

Now, that is interesting in some ways. It’s also funny. But that’s not the best, most funny, part of the story here.

See along with my family liking to drink and watch good bad movies they also like to talk. A lot. They in fact like to talk so much that some times it can be hard to keep up with them.

So, as you probably could expect, when they get drunk they start saying stuff all the time. So what were they saying this time? Well this time every time the word treasure was said my family would shout out “treasure.” They would shout it so loud that it would scare the dogs we have.



I used to love it. Can’t drink it anymore. Just makes me throw up. And when I say it makes me throw up I don’t mean I drink too much and vomit. I mean that I can take a single shot that I used to love and now I will, seconds later, feel the need to run to the bathroom.

I wasn’t the one drinking tequila this night though. That would be my dad.

While we all sat on the couch or on the recliners my dad sat at the kitchen table and drank tequila shots and had a bunch and bunch of limes with him.

Every time the word treasure was said in the movie we drank. We drank a lot. My mom, sister, and I though were drinking mixed drinks. Dad, well you know already what he was doing. All the time we kept shouting treasure when the word was said. We screamed treasure and drank.

The longer this went on the more slurred the word treasure sounded coming out of our mouths. Yet, at some point we started to notice that it was much more dramatic coming from father’s mouth. Still, we drank on, we kept yelling treasure. We had fun.

The point we realized something truly was wrong though was when my dad got up, slightly stumbled over towards the recliner my mom was sitting in, and sat down next to her on the large cooler sitting next to her that we use to keep stuff in (it’s weird).

Very soon after my dad sat down he started lightly caressing my mom’s lower arm (don’t start people). This is when we looked over to the large bottle of tequila that we had bought from Sam’s Club. Cheap ass tequila. Cheap ass tequila that dad seemed to have drank enough of to kill ya.

This is about the time that I started walking back and forth between rooms to watch the UCLA vs. Gonzaga game (yes, that game). Soon I was complaining that we should probably turn to the game because it was a really good one (me and everybody else in the country).

So, luckily for us, we turned it over to the game for the end of the 2nd half. When the end of regulation hit I ran to go to the bathroom when all of a sudden I heard a large thud and my mom and sister half concerned half laughing their asses off.

My dad had gotten up to go over to the couch when he tripped and fell face first into the automan (I don’t know how to spell). I came out to see what had happened and my dad was just laying there laughing his own ass off. Luckily he had fallen face first into the cushiony part.

So, we got him up and put him on the couch and watched overtime. About halfway through dad passed out. He kept waking up a little and hugging our pug Lucy sitting next to him. In fact if you ever meet me people I’ll have to show you the picture of it.

Next, well, the best moment in the NCAA tournament happened next. We lost our fucking minds. Even though we had been rooting for UCLA this was just a moment we would never forget for the rest of our lives. Hell, for multiple reasons. Now, I call it the Tequila Treasure Incident.

We never did finish National Treasure that night. We had to take care of my dad. I mean it was so bad he had to hold onto my shoulders as I led him to the bathroom he was so drunk. Not only that but both him and me are big enough that when he passed out again on the couch, when we finally got him back to it, we had to leave him there for the night with a trash can sitting next to him.

So that’s it. That’s the story.

Forever the Tequila Treasure Incident.

And never forget it.

All donations go to getting my dad some better tequila. : )


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